Some Of The Things I Cannot Say, Right Now

The thing I find about writing blog posts is that it’s actually quite easy when one has no actual proper deadline type work on but it’s basically impossible when one has a gig or two on the go because one can’t really speak candidly about the behind-the-scenes stuff.

It has to be hush-hush for various reasons of confidentiality, but also good sense – don’t shout about it till the fat lady sings and all that. You don’t want to jinx it.

No, you’re superstitious.

I’ve also noticed there’s this insidious, odd expectation that probably comes from engaging with the style of humble-bragging, self-promoting social media post that elicits a somewhat gushing tone about the opportunity. I’ve done it many times because that just appears to be what one does. It appears to be the done thing.

Admitting it does bring on a little nausea, but that’s the nature of the marketing beast at the moment. And why I’m really not engaging with social media right now too, I think.

I’m working on this one project and it’s flipping ace and rather jolly good fun but also the feedback is exacting and I’m changing the tack of what I’m writing quite a lot tonally and it doesn’t half throw my sense of certainty for a loop… and yet: being ok with a great deal of uncertainty is the nature of the business.

And, yes yes, it absolutely does keep you on your toes and ‘on your A-game’ what with all that nervous energy. No complacency here.

And, yes yes, it’s absolutely 100% a privilege to do this work for a living.

But alongside all the lovely is this gnawing sense of being at the mercy of the whim of the fates, and the mores of how various committees feel on the day, as the music wends it’s way up the chain of command…

I’m waiting on a pitch. I can’t say anything about that either. People in positions of power will make their decision and I’m willing them so much in my mind to pick me but I’ve no idea who I’m up against or even how many composers are still in the mix. No clue what my odds are.

And then there’s another project that I have an idea is sort of underway and there’s a 50/50 chance I might be on it but then again maybe not – all because of certain rules to do with… well, nothing to do with the music I write anyway. Like I say, hush-hush. Fat lady no singy.


So the best thing one can do in situations like these is to write the best darnedest music you can… and then to take one’s weekends and evenings and hang out with your very-much loved ones, watch Ted Lasso and For All Mankind, eat copious amounts of fair-trade organic dark chocolate, go feed the ducks, get an early night, get one’s booty to the gym fairly regularly for a run and laugh at how odd life is sometimes.

Discover more from Heather Fenoughty

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading