What to do when you hate Networking

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I’m the first to admit it. I’m rubbish at networking. I’m quiet, hate talking in public, have no idea what to say to people I don’t know, feel seriously intimidated by anyone who may been even slightly useful to talk to business-wise. I’m really not built for it at all.

So I’ve developed strategies. If you are anything like me, try a few of these out and see how it goes.

Today I’m off to London to see a screening of Moth to a Flame, a short that I scored a couple of years ago. It’s shortlisted in the Short Film Performance Awards and is showing at BAFTA.

It’s a huge networking opportunity.

Which is Problem Number 1: Pressure. The pressure to make a worthwhile contact, to make that sale, to get that project, that feature or television programme or potential Broadway theatre show that will take the old career to the next level.

So I take the pressure off. I’m am under no illusions that the people who wield that sort of power of life and death over me actually want to talk to me. I allow myself to go away from the evening having made no sales pitch whatsoever (but inevitably there will be… but it doesn’t matter if there isn’t.)

Problem Number 2: Not knowing anybody. I’m painfully shy and have worked really hard to face my fears and actually talk to people generally, let alone people I’ve never even met before. So my strategy is to bring a partner-in-crime: a friend who’s in the business that the event will be useful or even just interesting for. Today, thankfully, I’ve two: John Hunter, the fabulous writer of Moth to a Flame (and also my other half), and Kevin Tam, the director.

This means that I not only have a fallback position if I’m really struggling to get up the courage to chat to anyone, but that I can also introduce the writer and director of the film to whomever I may have struck up a conversation with; and, likewise, be introduced to other people by John and Kevin.

It also helps me if my partner(s)-in-crime are much better at striking up that initial conversation than I.

Because of my hyper-vigilance in these situations, and probably because of my musical line of work, I’ve got some mad listening skills. I now have started to see this as a bonus – networking is more about listening to the other person, getting them to talk about themselves, their ideas and interests, forming and cementing a mental profile of that person in your head in case you see them again. Plus, most people love talking about themselves.

Problem number 3: Free alcohol (oops – letting a little too much information out here perhaps…). When I’m nervous, it helps to have a drink in my hand – not necessarily alcoholic – just for somewhere to put my hands. As a girl at a posh do, it’s rare that I’ll have pockets in the dress I’m wearing, so that’s not an option, and folding arms appears defensive…

But free alcohol is a bit of a dilemma. When I’m nervous, I get thirsty and drink quicker. I’ve come to the conclusion that even though I may think I’m far more interesting when I’ve had a few, I’ve probably not got my eye on the ball and am less in control of making a good impression.

My best approach is to accept that, even though it’s not ideal, one small glass of vino really does take the edge off of the paralysing fear and nervousness of not having anything to say in that first conversation, or saying something painfully stupid, or even sounding needy and desperate for a job! One glass only, then it’s on to the juice.

There are a couple of other issues I have had in the past that don’t really seem to bother me so much these days, such as being young, inexperienced, under-confident in my skills and abilities… and being female. To be honest though, these really aren’t an issue anymore – especially the last one, which means there’s hope for equality yet, at least in the entertainment business.

I hope the evening goes well, and that the film is well-received. I have to concentrate on the fun of the event, rather than creating non-existent pressure for myself. Fingers crossed.

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March 25, 2009 · Filed Under Film, Music Business

Comments

6 Responses to “What to do when you hate Networking”

Wayne Kelly on March 25th, 2009 1:29 pm

Nice blog, Heather.

In my experience of those type of events the key thing is to focus on the fact that you have a skill and a unique personality or voice that you can bring to their project. Most of the people in that room can’t do exactly what you do. That should give you a big confidence boost.

Works for me anyway.
Wayne Kelly on March 25th, 2009 1:32 pm

PS – Good Luck;-)
Chris on March 26th, 2009 2:26 am

Interesting… Nice post. Saw your comment on the OnStartups blog and thought I’d check out your site. Keep up the good work, I like the site!

Chris
Heather on March 26th, 2009 3:22 pm

Wayne – thanks! the event seemed to go well and networking was done without too much stress
You make an excellent point.

Chris – thank you too!
Nigh Journal » Complimentary Booze & Boozey Compliments (Part 2) on March 27th, 2009 7:28 pm

[...] opportunity for the dreaded ‘networking’. My lovely Heather has written a fantastic blog post about what to do when you’re nervous and talking to potentially useful people. But I was also [...]
Performance Awards At BAFTA | HEATHER FENOUGHTY on March 27th, 2009 8:02 pm

[...] went very well despite my usual trepidation at networking events (see my previous post ‘What to do when you hate Networking‘). As one of the shortlisted films, ‘Moth to a Flame’ was one of 12 shorts [...]